I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
