I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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