We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
