I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize