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• (216): View more from Ohio

  i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  your address is 607B right?

  (785): View more from Kansas

  yeah why?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it

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• (716): View more from New York

  After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...

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• (914): View more from New York

  my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.

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