There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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