In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
