Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
