hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize