my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
