I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
