I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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