people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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