He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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