it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
