Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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