Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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