Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
