why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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