big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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