i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize