ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
