It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nobody cheats on THIS.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
