"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
