it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
