why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
