marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He felt like a one man threesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
