Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
