Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize