i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
