i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have aggressive nipples.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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