Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
