First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
