so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
