My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i now understand why vodka
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
