My balls are so social today.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
