last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
