I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
