i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
