tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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