I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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