I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
