dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You took a bar mat shot.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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