I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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