He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
