i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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