he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dicks are not precious.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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