i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
