god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Randomize
