i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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