I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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