Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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