OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
