and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
