at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
