i just google imaged poop.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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