what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
