I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
