Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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