I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
