I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
