the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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