the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
