worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
