I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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