You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
