it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
