She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
