You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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