her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize