I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
