Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize