So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
smell my finger.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
