do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize