he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
