I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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