like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
