The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
