She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
