whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
