a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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