If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
