You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
