Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
