What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
