he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i drank out of a bidet.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
