Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
