Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
