talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
